Author Archives: patriciamoed

About patriciamoed

writer, eLearning specialist, instructional designer

The “A” List

Posted on by
10

When I went back to grad school a few years ago, my husband and son teased me about my grades.   “You’re an overachiever, Mom,” my son said.

“Only an A?” my husband teased.  “Why not an A+?”

All right.  It’s true.  I can be an obsessive Type A, especially when it comes to school.  Each test, each project was a gauntlet, a challenge that I wanted to win, I needed to win.

Now that my diploma is safely tucked under my arm, I can admit that I needed that 4.0 as a visible sign of my intelligence, as proof that I deserved to be recognized, I deserved a place in the spotlight.

Are you like me–eager to shine, eager to be rewarded?  Do you yearn for your “15-minutes” of fame?  Have you thought about why you need this affirmation?  Here’s a liberating and thought-provoking 30-second quiz I came across on a fellow-blogger’s site.  No need to grab a pen and paper, just read the questions and think a little about them:

1.  Name the five wealthiest people in the world.

2.  Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.

3.  Name the last five winners of the Miss America contest.

4.  Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer prize.

5.  Name the last five Academy Award winners for Best Actor and Actress.

How did you do?  If you’re like me, you had trouble remembering more than a few names.  But the point here is that many top achievers stay in the spotlight for just a short time and do not linger in our memories.  After the applause fades away and the awards collect dust, their achievements are often forgotten.

Now here’s another quiz.  Let’s see how you do on this one:

1. Name three teachers who aided your journey through school.

2. Name three friends who helped you through a difficult time.

3. Name five people who have taught you something worth while.

4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.

5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

Easier?  I suspect so.  But the point is, which list would you want to be on?   When I was younger, I would have told you I wanted be on the “A” list.  I wanted the wider fame, the bigger accolades.  But now, I am a bit wiser.   The recognition I was seeking in grad school could not be earned merely by good grades.  It needed to come from within me.  And equally as important, the recognition that meant the most came from the people I love.  And finally, I learned that the achievement I value the most is to have an impact on the lives of the people who are dear to me. These people are special, not because of their credentials, their money, or their awards.  They make a difference because of their kindness, their love and concern, and their wisdom.

Perhaps this seems obvious to you.  But for me, this was a lesson I needed to learn.  And so, my question to you is–has your definition of success changed as you’ve grown older? If so, how?  What type of recognition do you desire?  Is the recognition you have received “enough,” or do you want more?

Claiming Your Happiness

Posted on by
2

“My sister was my best friend when we were growing up, but that changed when we were teenagers,” she said, standing in the spotlight on stage amidst the other members of the chorus.  She paused.  “She became interested in boys and I didn’t.”

All of us in the audience laughed, but our laughter faded as she described what happened next.  She told her family she was gay and they refused to accept it.  She told them she loved a woman, but her family would not acknowledge them as a couple.  Instead, they called the woman she loved a “roommate.”

When her younger sister announced her marriage plans, the woman’s family gave her ultimatum–come alone to the wedding or don’t come at all.  “I did not go,” she said.

Their relationship improved over the years as members of her family tried to mend the rift.   Her sister divorced.   Her parents divorced, and still her own partnership endured.

But now, her sister is re-marrying.  “I want to go the wedding and bring my partner, the woman I have loved for over 20 years,” she told us.  But again, her family said,  “Come alone.”

“What should I do?” she asked the audience.

“Don’t go,” someone shouted from the back of the theater.

She nodded and paused.  “I’m not going,” she said and people started to cheer.  “I refuse to go if they don’t recognize who I am and the woman I love.”

Alone in the spotlight, she paused and looked out at us in the audience.  We were still applauding as she left the stage.

It is days later and I am still thinking of her courage, which is humbling and immense.  It reminds me how, many years ago, I said “no,” to my family when they objected to the man I loved and wanted to marry because of his religion.  Like the woman in the theater, I said “no” to the people who were supposed to love me unconditionally, and in doing so, I claimed my own happiness.  In fighting for the life I wanted, with the man I loved and still love, I have taken a new path in life which has brought me immense joy.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

History books are written about people with courage.  We erect statues to them.  Perhaps they battled against governments, against invading armies, against oppressors, against diseases, against basic human rights.  But there are thousands of others who fight nearly alone, who take tremendous risks to do what their hearts and minds tell them is the right thing to do.  And in doing so, they stake their own claims for happiness.  This is what you and I do when we break from the old scripts, the old paths and start anew.  It is not easy.  In fact, saying “no” was one of the hardest things I have ever done.  But it has liberated me, just as it will liberate you.  It will take us into new territory, and fill us with unexpected joy.

And so, I wish you courage, my friends,  as you say no to the people who want to write your scripts, who want to tell you how you should live your life.  I applaud you as you say “no” and stake your claim to happiness.

Nominated for the Versatile Blogger Award!

Posted on by
8

I am grateful to fellow blogger S.L. Klesko at Truthbits and Thoughlets for nominating me for the Versatile Blogger Award!  I am honored to be singled out by such a fine and thoughtful writer.

In turn, I will follow the terms of the nomination, which are:

1. Thank the blogger who has awarded you and link back to them.   Done!

2. Share seven things about yourself.  Here my list:

–I have many interests and passions–photography, writing, learning, food, travel, languages, philosophy, and spirituality.

–Although I’ve lived in rural, suburban, and urban areas, I’ll always be a city girl.

–I flew a plane (a Cessna) before I drove a car.

–One of my proudest moments was attending my son’s graduation from Savannah College of Art and Design last June.

–My husband has been my best friend since I was 19.  Life with him has been a wonderful adventure.

–Two of my greatest desires are to live abroad and publish my novels.

–These movies can always lift me out of a bad mood– Legally Blonde, Miss Congeniality, Casablanca, Cinema Paradiso, To Kill A Mockingbird, and It’s a Wonderful LIfe.

3. Pass the award along to 5 (or so) other newly discovered blogs.  Here are my nominations from around the globe….(Drum roll, please.)

Truthbits and Thoughtlets

Allison Carmen

Whispers of the Heart

Vineet 

Lemonissimo 

I encourage you to take a look at their blogs.  Hopefully, you will enjoy the glimpses into their worlds, their minds, and their hearts as much as I do!

Thank you all for your support!

Patti

Finding Pearls Amongst the Stones

Posted on by
6

For our first appointment, Albert* showed up at my door, fidgeting nervously.  He shook my hand, and then reached into his pocket, pulling out a candy bar.  A gift for me.  He explained that he was taught to be nice to his teachers.

I was coaching Albert through some required annual education.  He had lost some executive and motor function due to a brain injury when he was young.  As a result, he had trouble completing reading and writing tasks, retaining information in long term memory, and using the computer.  His supervisor in the kitchen had told me he was a hard worker who was eager to learn.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

We had set up several appointments to go over the required material and complete several tests.  As we went through the PowerPoint slides and discussed fire safety information, he leaned forward, his pale blue eyes fixed intently on me as I went through the steps of responding to a Code Red and asked him questions like:  “What type of fires does an ABC extinguisher put out?”

I thought he’d only last an hour or two.  The material was as dry as dust, but he wanted to push on.   During a break, we stepped out of my office for a drink, and when we returned, I pulled out my keys.  As I searched for the right key, I made an off-hand comment that my home key and office key looked alike and I had trouble telling them apart.  I had been fumbling for months.

Albert’s eyes flashed. “That’s easy,” he said, explaining that I should go to the hardware store, buy a plastic key cover, and slip it over the key for easy identification.  He was right.  The answer was obvious, but it had eluded me.

“That’s a great idea,” I told him and I meant it.

As we worked through the other presentations, we paused from time to time to talk.  He told me about his identical twin brother, who was smart and lucky because he had never had a brain injury, and had never lost any intellectual or motor function.  “But he’s angry all the time,” Albert said.

“Why?” I asked.

He shrugged.  “I don’t know.  You know I could be angry like him.  But I decided I was going to be happy and I am.” And then, to confirm this, he smiled.

The wisdom in his words was startling.  The frisson of truth made me shiver a little.   Happiness is a choice.  Happiness is a gift that we can treasure or discard.   The choice is always ours.   Albert had every right to be angry– at the loss of his intellectual power, at the necessity of taking a lower-level job in the kitchen, his difficulty remembering and retrieving new information, and his limited chances of upward mobility and finding a partner who would be willing to share his life.  But instead, he had made the choice to be happy.

I took a deep breath and told him I admired him.  He shrugged and said he wanted to go back to work.

A few hours later, we were finished.  Albert shook my hand and thanked me. I told him it was a pleasure to work with him and I meant it.

From time to time, we see each other in the cafeteria.  Sometimes, he hands me a Tootsie Roll.  “For you,” he says.

I thank him and say, “How are you Albert?”

“I’m good,” he always says with a smile and I know he means it.

*Albert is not his real name.

Why Dress Like Everyone Else?

Posted on by
Reply

How many times has this happened to you?  You want or need a new item of clothing.   You head out to the store feeling hopeful (and maybe even excited) that you’ll find the perfect shirt or dress or pair of pants.  But after a half hour of browsing and hauling an armload of potentials into the dressing room, you stand in front of the mirror tugging on a miniscule sweater, or pants that reveal parts of your body which haven’t been seen by anyone except your boyfriend or husband or internist. 

To add insult to injury, the clothing designers seem to ignore people in your age category or who have your body type.  Instead, they insist on designing clothes for people who are dozens of years younger, and who are impossibly thin and leggy enough to look good in these outfits.

This experience has prompted me to think outside of the big box clothing stores, with their predictable styles and mass-consumer appeal.   Instead, I’ve started shopping online in stores like Etsy.com.  It is a place for innovative people who collect or create their own items and display them in virtual shops.  Some sell clothing (vintage and handmade), others sell jewelry or kitsch like crocheted stuffed animals and still others sell housewares.  Last winter I ordered two shirts from a dressmaker in Thailand who creates and sews fabulous blouses with beautiful pleats and buttons, all priced under $30.00.  Last month, I ordered a vintage 1970′s geometric print shirt from a collector in Paris.  Each shop owner photographs their items and gives size information.  You can also email them with questions before or after you order.  It’s an adventure in shopping.  What fun!

Do you feel stifled by the clothing selection in stores?  Have you found alternatives either online or in your neighborhood?  What are they?

Blink

Posted on by
2

All this week on my drive to work, I reveled as the dry, matted grass and stubbled corn fields turned a vibrant green.  Trees started to bud, daffodils burst into bloom, and birds trilled in the trees.

The glorious spectacle of an early spring, totally unexpected in March, but welcome nonetheless.  As I passed the orchards, some trees were starting to bud.

By the end of the week, the cherry trees in front of my apartment were in full bloom.  And yet, something else was registering on my drive to work.  Something I hardly ever noticed for more than a millisecond.

It was the animals.  Not one or two.  But maybe even a dozen.  I started counting along the 45-mile stretch of highway through my mid-sized city, along the suburban 4-lane thoroughfare heading north, and leading to 2-lane country roads traversing farms and fields.  Chipmunks, raccoons, possums, and even a deer.   Guess how many I counted?

Twenty-one on the way to work.  Deciding that couldn’t be right, I counted on the return trip.

Twenty-four.

How many times had they passed in and out of my awareness for a second or two, barely registering?  Or if they had registered, when they sped out of my range of vision, they disappeared from my thoughts, forgotten in a blink of an eye.   It made me wonder what else I was not seeing.  What else were my eyes glossing over?

In the rush from here to there, in the rush to fulfill the demands of the day, I have become de-sensitized.  So have we all.  It’s a fact of life.  We do not have enough time or emotional energy to register all the suffering, pain, and death we are exposed to on a daily basis.  It surrounds us like a wall of sound– on the news, on the web.  It is simply impossible to feel that much and that deeply.  But in this reality, there is a danger too of simply losing our humanity, the connection to other living creatures and even our deepest selves.

In the news this week, we learned of other atrocities, committed overseas and closer to home.  Although our minds turn to the victims and dwell on the pain of their families, I also wonder about the environment (psychic, emotional, familial) that turns “ordinary” people into weapons of mass destruction, of the wrong turns they make, allowing them to justify the death of innocent people.

This is a time of metamorphosis–in nature, in the seasons, in our personal lives, and in the greater world.  So, for a moment, I am taking the time to pause and remember the risks of rushing headlong to our destinations, without thought, without feeling. And the risks of forgetting our connection to all living things and how our lives are wonderfully, beautifully connected and intertwined in a delicate web.

Guiltless Macaroni and Cheese

Posted on by
2

From Italialicious.com

For the past few weeks, I’ve been miserable, laid low by a nasty respiratory virus that just won’t quit.  Now, in week 3, my energy and appetite are happily returning, and I’ve been craving comfort food.  Because I don’t want excess weight to compound my misery, I’ve been searching for low fat versions of comfort classics.   So, I’m happy to share a recipe for a lower calorie version of macaroni and cheese that I ate in Rome in October.

Made with only 3 ingredients, pasta cacio e pepe is quick, economical, and easy.  It also has far fewer calories than its American cousin–the delightfully rich macaroni and cheese made with milk, cheddar cheese, and flour.  Although traditionally made with spaghetti, pasta cacio e pepe is adaptable to virtually any type of pasta.  The key though is the cheese.  I’ve seen some versions with pecorino cheese, but Romans use caciocavallo cheese, which tastes like a buttery, yet pungent version of cheddar.  It gives the necessary punch to what very well could be a bland dish.  I feared that I’d never find it in my local grocery store, but it was there, nearly hidden among the wedges of parmegiana cheese.  Another necessary ingredient is freshly ground pepper.  One option is to add a drizzle of olive oil at the very end.

There’s nothing more soothing on a sick day than a warm bowl of creamy pasta comfort.  If you have other low-fat versions of comfort classics, please share!

Pasta Cacio e Pepe

(Pasta with cheese and pepper)

  • 14 oz spaghetti or any type of pasta
  • 1 cup grated caciocavallo cheese

Boil the spaghetti until al dente.  Then drain, reserving a few tablespoons of the cooking liquid.  Put the pasta in a bowl and sprinkle generously with the cheese and pepper.  Add sufficient pasta-cooking water to melt the cheese and become slightly creamy.  Mix thoroughly and serve hot.

Source:  Culinaria Italy:  Pasta, Pesto, Passion by Claudio Piras and Ruprecht Stempell.  H.F. Ullmann Publishers, page 338.

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Posted on by
Reply

One step forward.  Two steps back.

That is what I remind myself this week, as I log in many hours on the couch, laid low by a nasty respiratory virus.  It has stopped me in my tracks, forcing me to push aside my work and wait, surrendering to my body and its needs.  Still, my mind leaps ahead, struggling with the delay, with my lack of progress.  I am not a good patient.

One step forward.  Two steps back.  This is our journey through life.  My time on the couch reinforces this bit of knowledge.  In my rush through daily life I had forgotten it again.  But as I linger on the sofa, I am forced to remember it.

This bit of wisdom was illustrated beautifully on our last trip to Paris.  We took the train to Chartres to visit its Gothic masterpiece.  Pushing open the heavy oak cathedral doors, we stepped into the shadows and were whisked back to the Middle Ages.  Dozens of flickering candles and magnificent stained glass windows scattered shards of light and color across the walls and floor.  We were dwarfed by the soaring majesty of its vaulted dome.  As we wandered around the perimeter of the nave, we found a space where the chairs had been cleared away to reveal a labyrinth inlaid in stone on the church floor.  Intrigued, my husband, son and I followed the path, falling into step behind two barefoot pilgrims, their feet moving in an odd ritualized dance.  One step forward.  Two steps back. Jubilant smiles flooded their faces with light and hope. Intrigued, we kept walking.

From http://www.discover-chartres.com/chartres-blog.html

Unlike a maze with several alternative routes, the labyrinth has just one path, leading inevitably towards a goal at the center—in this case an engraved copper plaque, which was melted down during the French Revolution.   It pictured a six-petaled rose, the symbol of Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of love and beauty.  In the spirit of adventure, we followed the path as it wound through 4 quadrants, each with 7 turns.  As we walked, my mind skittered from thought to thought and then slowed.  I felt like a child again, playing a game, lost in the moment.  My son, who obediently followed the rules, moved in step behind the pilgrims, his eyes fixed on the path, a look of intense concentration on his face.   Even my husband, who is usually in a rush, lingered along the 666-foot path, called “Le Chemin de Jerusalem” or Road to Jerusalem, symbolizing the belief that walking the labyrinth was akin to making a sacred pilgrimage.

One step forward and two steps back.  I didn’t share the pilgrim’s faith or their religion.  But still, I followed the path, looping back and charging ahead, so unlike the arrow-straight highways and train lines, which I am familiar with.  The pilgrims’ odd dance went against the grain of my American upbringing and way of thinking–that human life and progress are linear, based on a straight progression from birth to death, from rags to riches, from oblivion to fame.  But as I grow older, I know the ancients are right.

The pilgrims’ odd dance illustrates a truth about life—that it is a circuitous route with blind alleys, double backs, and moments of confusion when we feel like we’re traveling in circles.   Progress is never linear.  It’s a series of false starts and even failure before eventual success.

Perhaps it is enough to simply recognize that we are all walking the labyrinth.  With patience and time, the answers to our questions and worries will come.  Only then, can we make sense of the roadblocks and detours.  It might take years of blindly stumbling one step forward and two steps back as we reach the goals we have set for ourselves.  For me, I have set myself with the goal-of staring down the blank page or staring through the lens of my camera and summoning my courage to reveal little bits of light, of truth.  With patience and tenacity, I’ll stumble through the darkness and find my way.

The same as true for you, I am sure of it.  Someday our paths will be as clear as the one inscribed on the church floor.  And when that day happens, we’ll look back and know the journey was worth it.  This is what we must believe, no matter what our religious beliefs.   We have to have faith that we will understand some day, just like the pilgrims who walked the path and found meaning in the journey, not just the destination.

Mind Over Matter?

Posted on by
2

Several weekends ago,  I was working at my computer when the pain started.  It  radiated through my fingers and up my wrist.  It was so severe, I stopped typing.  Immediately my mind leapt to the worst.  “Nerve damage.  Carpal tunnel.  Surgery.”

Admittedly, I am a hypochondriac.  I come from a long line of them.   An innocent comment will start my mind spinning–like the time just a week or so ago when I heard a co-worker say, “I caught it from my grandkids.  I was sick for days.”  My mind worked feverishly.  Sick with what?  Was she still contagious? I wanted to take a step backwards, politely excuse myself, and liberally douse my hands with Purell.

But this pain was real.   For hours I was consumed with it.  It worsened as the hours passed.  In calmer moments, I reminded myself that this had happened before.   So, I pulled out the book that I always turn to in times like this–Dr. John Sarno’s Healing Back Pain.  Yes, back pain.  Dr. Sarno is a world-renowned expert in TMJ–Tension Myosis Syndrome.  He stresses that the pain is real, but it has an emotional, not physical root cause.  From his research with thousands of patients, he can state that this sudden and severe pain in various parts of the body originates from repressed emotions.  Now, before you start thinking he’s a new age quack, let me tell you he is a professor of Clinical Rehabilitation Medicine at New York University School of Medicine in New York.   I read through Dr. Sarno’s book that night and within a few hours, I had identified the emotional root cause of my pain.  Soon, it started to ebb.  When it flared up again, I sent my mind back to my emotions.  Later that night and through the next day, the pain had largely disappeared.  From time to time, when it flared, I asked, “What is really worrying me?”  When I pinpointed the answer and thought through it, the pain ebbed.

Perhaps you are skeptical, but curious about the mind-body connection, like I was.  Perhaps you have tried traditional medicine and you are still in pain.  Perhaps your pain limits you and makes you fearful.  If so, I have a wonderful resource for you.   The Winter of Wellness is hosting a series of 45-minute talks on the mind, body, and spirit throughout February and March.   These talks are free and can be accessed for a week after the original broadcast.  All you need to do is register with the Institute and they will send you a link to the daily broadcasts.  Here’s the registration link:  http://winterofwellness.com/   If you decide to listen, let me know your thoughts.  Are you still skeptical or are you convinced?  I’d love to hear what you think.

Regrets? I Have a Few…

Posted on by
Reply

Last weekend, we viewed 4 Oscar-nominated short films.  Three of them have lingered with me all week, because of their subtle insights into human nature and the thorny topic of regret, which can mire us down in bitterness or anger or motivate us to break through our fears, often with surprising results.

The Irish film The Shore reminds us that the regrets originating in young adulthood shouldn’t be carried like baggage for decades without first checking our youthful assumptions. The Norwegian film Tuba Atlantic reminds us to live, truly live, and not  collect regrets, which can weigh us down with fear, anger, and sadness until it’s almost too late. And finally the American film Time Freak, reminds us that the wish to go back in time and correct our mistakes is a foolish and comical waste of brain power and energy.   If you have the chance to view them, I’d love to hear your thoughts.